To fix to my self critical behavior is to both have more compassion for both myself and the people around me.

Having compassion for myself is not the difficult part, it's for the people around me.

I find it difficult to give others lee way by default, because I live in a pretty cold reality. Plus, usually when others wrong me I say nothing and continue with my life. And in a way, it's my version of not going after others for making mistakes.

The problem is that they will usually continue to wrong me, because they don't know, because I never said anything.

But why don't I say anything?

Well, I'm afraid of telling people no, that's one. The other is that I don't believe telling them anything will do anything. Whenever I tried in the past, people would just ignore it.

I'm going to try more at work, but I really don't believe it will do anything in my home life. "Communication is everything." They say, but they don't actually listen now, do they? Sigh, either ways, worth trying. But sometimes I wonder if I'm just being a fool for bothering to try, especially since I've already tried so many times.

The line between 'compassion' and 'giving chances' and 'being a gullible naive idiot' is very fine.

In other news, my boss asked me to pay for something on behalf of the company again. I can always claim it at the end of the month, but I'm done being his credit line. I told him no, and said I'll push it to the office directly instead. He was like "Yeah sure alright". It was difficult and awkward, but I'm glad I managed to stand my ground.