I may struggle with my anxiety, but all that matters is the 'do'.

Sometimes I wonder if the voices in my head telling me to try to aim for FAANG interview levels of readiness is a convoluted way to procrastinate on the thing I fear most: Going out there and trying for interviews.

But I also wonder if it's just really excited to be THAT insanely good. Because I, a little delusionally, can see myself getting that good. And I think that if I do, I unironically have a chance at trying for the big ranks. They accept the big university graduates, the math olympiad winners, the doing-hackathons-since 13-years-old winners, but I still think so I can compete. It's a bit funny, but I think it's a good thing.

The only thing that these people have that I do not is time. I haven't had the same amount of practice as these people. I also don't have the same opportunities as these people. I never went to university even, let alone a big name one.

But I know if I did actually go for advanced maths when I was 14, I would have ended up there, just like these people. It's really about the environment you're in too. I had missed out on all of this.

So I know when it comes to pure ability and willingness to work hard and learn, I'm there. It's really a matter of every other variable.

As with many things in engineering, it's all about trade offs. I could grind to try my hand at FAANG, but that takes time, time that I could be using to apply to other places with lower pay, but with valuable experiences nonetheless.

Either ways, this is thinking too far ahead, I'm not even done with Full Stack Open. I have to keep moving forward.